New pages discovered in the worlds oldest bible!

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The oldest text in human history has long been considered by many to be both perfect and incomplete.  But researchers at the Hartford Institute of Religious Research have found something of a miracle in the St Golliar Bible.

The St Golliar Bible, well known as being the oldest and most original of the Bible series has been the subject of much research over the years as modern scientific methods are being applied to the ancient artefacts being held in the vacuum sealed vaults.  The St Golliar Bible is often used by religious researchers due to it extreme age, and the fact it contains several original elements that did not make it into more recent versions, including a foreword by Iehova.

On Wednesday, researchers have discovered what appears to be two new pages of text stuck together under the cover of the 2000 year old bestseller.

The source of the discovery was a used FMRI machine donated to the Institute by eBay’s poorly named “Help the Homeless” charitable program.

Dr Lowmind, the “scientist” behind the discovery who holds a Doctorate of Divinity said he was very proud of his teams work and that there would be more to come.

Dr Lowmind showing his faith based clinical cleanliness technique for rare book handling

“We’ve always excelled in our ability to receive donations, but now we’ve done something remarkable.  This discovery has opened up the possibility of much more additional research into the pages. As you know all religious scholars harbour an undying search for the truth, and this new discovery will undoubtedly contribute significantly towards that goal.

At the time of writing, Dr Lowmind was seeking additional funding for this research, which he estimated to need three million dollars(US) a year for the rest of his career.

“We need to greatly expand the team, and acquire the latest technology to reveal the secrets of these new pages.  Those FMRIs don’t buy themselves.” he joked, apparently forgetting that his FMRI machine did in fact come at no cost.

Cardinal Rachelle Sebille, Vatican Spokeswoman in Rome, had no comment when we approached her office, other than to say she looked forward to seeing the new pages in their entirety and that the official position of the Vatican was one of open minded but cautious acceptance.

Shares in the church rose 42 cents on the news.

Third oldest bible, protected in glass at the Center for Bible Protection, Mexico

A female cardinal

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