Trump asks America to spell Trump with lower case “t”

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In an attempt to placate critics who claim the president is too self-aggrandising, he today announced that he was changing his name officially to “trump”, with a lower-case t.

This immediately follows his purchase of a 45% share in the lowercase letter t, according to market analysts, potentially netting the President over $300M in overnight trading as prices rose on the news.

Rince Weener, head of the RNC and the President’s Chief of Staff, declared it a smart political move by the President, who until recently was considering going full caps, and using TRUMP as his official name.  The spate of bizzare flip-flops is expected to continue, with many expecting nothing to come of this at all.  “this is the crazy new norm” one said, using a lowercase t himself.

Stocks in the lowercase t surged to $4.44 on the news, and might go as far as $5 should the move go ahead.    Others say the shift has already been priced in, and can only go down if the President changes his mind.

A spokesperson for the Rand Corporation, who famously lobbied for a tax on the use of the lowercase alphabet after buying sole rights to the uppercase “R” from the non-profit Alphabet group, used Trumps announcement to resurrect their stalled taxation attempt.

“Lowercase letters have been proven dangerous to our modern society.  The words gun, war, murder are all lowercase and they cost our society trillions each year.  The use of a lowercase t in Trump is just another example of this.  We renew our call for a tax on lowercase lettering.” The spokesman said.

Lowercase t was trading at $4.23 at the time of writing.

Nottnews.com uses its lettering under license from junotechnology group.

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