Trump declares Valentines Day Feb 14 a public holiday, but only in Republican held states.

Please help us reach our audience.

President Trump used his executive power today to declare a new national public holiday to celebrate Valentines day.  The new order takes effect from Feb 14 2018, to give people time to sort out their affairs.

“Valentines day is about the ladies.” Mr Trump was quoted.  “all our lovely ladies deserve to be treated very very special by their men.  And today is the day to do it.  I mean Valentines Days is the day to do it.  I will be winning so hard on Valentines Day.  Sooo many ladies.”

First lady Ivanka Trump had this to add.  “Mr Trump always used to give ladies the day off at Trump Corporation, as long as they proved to him they were women. So this really isn’t anything new.”

But the day off doesn’t come without a catch.   Its not available to everyone.  If you are a man in a Republican controlled state, then you are automatically enrolled for the free day.  Women in all states can get the day off by registering with the Secretary of Labours office (link below), as long as they submit a picture of themselves.  “Something with a lot of skin”, says President Trump.

Trumps supporters have long predicted his unpredictable behaviour would eventually lead to some leadership, and they claim this is no exception.  “This wasn’t a fluke decision.  This was a very calculated plan by the president” said Republican House Leader, Mitch McDonnell.

Citizens of the states missing out were not so happy.

“Why does Massachusetts get a day off?  Most of them don’t like Trump either!”

A local Texan who will receive the public holiday break was equally unimpressed.  “Tell me how am I going to see my side-chick on v-day now?  Normally I’d tell my main girl that I had to work!  I’m boned!.” estimates that some 160 million people will get the free day, while 220 million will still have to toil at their normal jobs.

When asked for their opinion, a local Trump voter said “ Er told yer thed be tekken er jerbs”, appearing to miss the point of the question and the holiday.

Melania Trump was conspicuously absent from the press event.

At the time of writing it was unsure who would be footing the bill for the free day, with some speculating it would be paid for by Mexico.

Facebook Comments

Please help us reach our audience.

You may also like...