Trump declares war on Afganistan – immediately rescinds it.
President Trump used a hastily arranged photo opportunity at a local Burger King today to declare war on Afghanistan, apparently unaware that we are already at war with the landlocked mid-east nation.
“Change is very great, that’s why Afghanistan needs to pay us more respect, because respect is important I think you’d agree, and no one pays us more respect than an enemy, so we will declare war on the people of Afghanistan against the US.”, Trump rambled.
The comments were made in a response to a question about the Military parades Trump proposed be carried out along Pennsylvania Ave, to boost national pride.
“Noone does military policy better than me, believe me. Or foreign policy better than me too, you can believe me on that.. uh too.” He added, while fitting a cheeseburger into his mouth.
Reporter on the scene Bridget Baldworth clarified the President’s war declaration: “You’re declaring war over an issue of respect?.. You are aware that we are already at war with Afghanistan?”
Trump’s reply: “Of course not, I love Afghanistan. Nobody loves Afghanistan more than me.”, before declaring yesterday as a National Afghanistan Day, a retrospective public holiday.
He finished by telling the owner to send the bill to Mexico, to uncomfortable laughter in the room.
Trump completed his press conference with an apparent handshake with the Republican owner on the Burger King, but this reporter was unable to see Trumps hand in the exchange . White house spokesman Sean Spicy later confirmed that Mr Trumps hand was clearly visible from his perspective, and that he has world record sized hands.
“Mr Trump believes his hands are record setters, this should be enough to set that record straight” he said, while waving around an un-scaled, un-referenced photo of Mr Trump’s hands at an unknown manicure parlour. Reporters were not allowed to scrutinise the photo.