Trump eats spanish “hair cheese”.

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The actions of the rich and famous have always seemed unusual to this reporter, but Donny J Trump has now taken the cake.

Often, very rare or difficult to manufacture items make it to the list of potential status symbols for the wealthy elite, like the ”I’m rich” app that proves you can waste $100 bucks, or the monkey dung coffee that’s made from pellets of the cave dwelling monkey’s backside.

Now theres another one.

A small rural business in Maharda, Southern Spain has begun producing what they call Hair Cheese, in apparent homage to the presidents most easily identifyable features.  The cheese features an unpleasant orange color and peculiar odour, and particularly rancid flavour that only the most critical or ill-informed cheese lovers could appreciate.

Chief cheese guy at the Maharda Cheesery said they came across the recipe quite by accident, but since the new President seems to like it, we decided to make it into a product.

The hairy delicacy, apparently.

Local cheese experts speculate the real origin of the cheese is a less-than-exotic wheel of gouda that staff had intended to discard after finding it behind a storage locker, until the president noticed staff carrying it out for disposal.  Experts estimate the wheel spend between 15-18 months in cockroach-ideal conditions. But the owner was remaining tight-lipped on the actual history of the cheese and instead limiting his comment to the profitability of that particular wheel.  “Good money”, was all he said.

I guess we can add cheese connoisseur to the list of things the President considers himself great at.

A White House spokesperson rebuked the claim, stating that the President was not an idiot and did not eat the hair cheese.  Instead he was praising the Maharda staff for an unrelated cheese which they refused to name.

Trump himself mentioned the hair cheese in a 2007 interview with Vanity Fair, where he declares himself the greatest cheese expert of very good cheeses, and quotes himself praising the Maharda owner about the hairy delicacy.  “People don’t know cheese like I do. Like theres a tremendous cheese from this tremendous cheese place in Europe.  Guys name is Muhha.. Muhundy.. Muh something..   If youre an idiot you think it tastes like armpit, but I think it tastes like… well not armpit I can tell you that. That makes me smarter than most. And believe me I know more about cheese than any of our cheese experts. Anyway, it’s a great cheese.  Tremendous cheese.  They colored it for me you know. Plus I was smart before I ate the cheese.

Russia invaded Poland in response to the release of this story.

Some hairy cheese

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