Your Spray Is Set To Stun, Not Kill.

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Researchers at Carnegie Mellon’s Hall of Justice have released research that proves ‘roaches and other insects are harder to beat than you think.

We’ve all seen the upside down critters after a dose of bug spray, but have you wondered where they all go when they disappear in the days that follow?  Disgustingly, they wake up and walk off.

The bug spray seems to only have a temporary effect, wearing off after a few days.  Provided the bug hasn’t suffered any other damage while unconscious, it’ll be just fine in a day or so.

While many bugs do get crushed underfoot, eaten by the family pet, or taken away by ants, many get knocked under couches, swept up or otherwise moved from the scene.  These little guys are lucky enough to get another chance.

Scientists believe the historic blunder is due to the rush to finish papers.  One scientist familiar with the new research said he’d always known about the problem with bug spray.

“We were under so much pressure to deliver a product, we knew they woke up again but we didn’t care.  The company was making billions from bugspray and the bugs were not being harmed in any real way.  It was a win win, so we let it go.”  Professor Horace Seen said under condition of anonymity.

But its not all good news for the bugs.

It seems being unconscious for a few days does cause mental defects in many insects.  The new research shows that if unconscious for 36 hours or longer due to the spray and are lucky enough to recover, the insects can no longer maintain appropriate eye contact, struggle with pronunciation and may begin to stutter.  Some hold legs at unusual angles or show other signs of deficits in intelligence.

Trump: May have been sprayed with bug spray.

Trump: May have been sprayed with bug spray.

While many previously happy people were upset with the non-toxic news, an equal number of previously unhappy hippies are now happy that those bug lives were being saved.

A spokesman for the pro-life lobby had this comment. “Do you even know what we do?  Piss off kid, or I’ll kick your ass so hard you’ll be farting sideways for a week.”

As with all zero-day research, the experimental results are yet to be replicated independently.  But reduced chance of bug-death brings reduced chance of bug haunting but brings another risk.. Is it waiting for me, to get its revenge?  To climb into my mouth while I sleep???

Spider: Not as dead as you think.

Spider: Not as dead as you think.

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