Turnbull Receives Petition With 24 Million Signatures: Still Finds Excuse To Ignore It.

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On the steps of Parliament House today, Malcolm Turnbull was greeted by a small army of Australia Post workers carrying packages containing a staggering 24 million verified Australian signatures.

The unprecedented petition was organised by Melbourne’s lower upper west east LGBTQ community and appears to include a handwritten statement by nearly every single Australian in support of the measure.  It was accompanied by a summary sheet produced by the Australian Bureau of Statistics documenting a 99.98% participation rate.

Mr Turnbull appeared staggered by the delivery, looking like he was expecting a picture of a dog from eBay instead of the blunt demand from nearly all Australians.

Turnbull disappointed it wasn’t his eBay package.

The petition demanded that the Marriage Act be changed from “between a Man and a Woman” to “between two adults”, and was signed by nearly every man woman and child in the country.

Turnbull held a brief meeting with journalists about the document.  “Look I was expecting a package from eBay, which is why I opened the door, but this is not about rights or equality. People don’t know what they want.  This petition does not represent all Australians. It only represents the opinions of a minority group.  I committed to have a plebiscite, and Labor forced me to ignore that, because as you know I am 100% supportive of our LGDVD community. As you know, as PM I’m obliged to watch out for the interests of everyone, and the people of Australia I think don’t want this.  Come back when you have 100%.

When reminded of the 99.98% participation rate, he replied ” Well as you know, that 0.02% of people is important too.  Most of them are probably my party.”

Tony Abbott took a moment from his busy schedule of winking at sex workers to rib Mr Turnbull about the petition.

“Mal, when you get a petition that’s more effectively managed than your own census, you have to give them a fair hearing” he assholed, clearly forgetting that his party changed the Marriage Act specifically to outlaw gay marriage without public consultation in 2004.

The reporter turned on the ex-PM: “You are in support of this petition then Tony?”

“No, but they have my support.” Abbott countered.

“So Tony you don’t support them but you do?” the journalist pressed…

“Uh..”

Tony Abbott having another “oh shit” moment.

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1 Response

  1. Phil says:

    “He assholed” roflmao

    Keep up the good work.