Reporter Asks Trump About Legitimacy. Trump and Bannon Shoot Seven.
Saturday. Central Park has always been a place to escape the pace of the city. A place to walk, talk, sit for a while, maybe run into someone famous hiding in some bushes.
Today Trump, his Chief of staff, Rince Penus, and Puppet Master Steve Bannon were in the park witnessing first hand the serenity that the gardens have to offer.
The three, who were briefly accompanied by a fourth heavily masked man who ran off when we approached, all appeared to have white powder under their nose. No doubt from the light frost in the air.
Trump appeared agitated at our approach. As part of the media, we haven’t had the greatest relationship with the new president. His 100% false 100% of the time policy makes a farce of reporting. Accurate reporting just makes us all sound insane because who would act that way and actually be president?
“Mr Trump!” my colleague Jeremy Reporterson called out.. “Mr Trump, how do you feel about your record low popularity for any president, and did you know that 40% of Americans already want you impeached?”
Trumps response: “This is what I think about your 40%.” before making his hand into a pistol shape, and pretending to fire it into the small group of joggers that had assembled. “Chk chk.. BOOM” he said. “BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.., yeah Thats what I think about it.”
“But Mr Trump, what does that actually mean? Chk Chk BOOM.. what is that?”.. It would be Reporterson’s last question.
The relative calm of the park was broken by real gunfire, 7 shots in all. Bannon stood there, chewing a twig, two flies walking on his face, Glock19 in his hand. The holed bodies of the joggers lay lifeless on the ground. Three with shots in the chest, two others in the back as they fled.
“Why’d you stop?” Trump said to Bannon, who had paused short executing the three Nottnews staff. Trump pulled his own weapon and shot veteran Nottnews hero Jeremy Reporterson, and intern Squeak McTelltruths square in the face, leaving me trembling in a widening pool of piss and shit. Rince Penus looked on, amused.
“I can do whatever I like.” Trump said in that voice he uses when he feels he’s been hard done by, with his hands in the air and shrugging ” Like I said, I could shoot someone and not lose any votes. And if I don’t have any votes to lose, then I might as well shoot everyone. You libs can’t vote dead. Tell your friends… But not the public… Don’t fuck with Trump.”
I walked away..
I cried… I thought about my fallen colleagues.
America has changed.