BREAKING: Cows Can Predict Weather

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Scientists at the Central University of Bovine Studies today completed a decade long investigation into cows’ apparent ability to predict rain.

The domestication of the European common cow – Bos Taurus of the Bovidae family – was always going to be successful, with the cow providing farmers with a steady stream of milk, and tasty tasty beef.

Over the years, cows were also seen to be accurately forecasting the weather when in groups of a dozen or more.

Moy Ranch, dairy and beef farmer for 120 years in South Western Australia says his cows have beaten the weatherman on more times than he can remember.  And now he lets kids ride on them too – an Australian first.

Scientists at the university studied the cows behaviours over nearly 10 years, and dissected nearly 200 animals to map their brains and try their delicious meat.

And the results?   Well apart from being mouth watering, its more complicated than just “Cows can tell the weather”.

Some cows calculating the weather.

The individual cow does lay down if it thinks its going to rain, and will stand if it thinks its going to be sunny.

Researcher Skip Desalad added that they stand if they think they are about to be slaughtered too.

The key to the research comes from the hive mind power of the herd.  While each cow has its own opinion, together they all add up to the stunning reality: Cows perform complex mathematical and statistical functions to arrive at a group consensus.

If some cows are laying down, and some are standing up, the statistical likelihood of rain can be calculated.

The bovine rain prediction formula.

Clearly, for the cows to calculate this, they must have an accurate count of their number, and of those cows standing and laying down.  They must be able to perform the division and percentage functions and excellent non-verbal numerical and logical communication, which are difficult skills even for some high school students.  At some point in history, there must have been a supreme master cow, who worked out the original relationship.  It was likely that the master cow was persecuted by its peers along with being particularly flavoursome.

Cow’s prediction accuracy

So what if half are standing and half are laying down?  It means they don’t know.

So with cows being so smart, should we still eat them?

The answer in this reporters stomach is a hearty yes.

And with your choice of pepper, mushroom or onion sauce.

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