Motorist Killed In Collision With Cyclist In World First.

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Shockwaves echoed around the world today as a statistically impossible collision between a cyclist and a motorist resulted in the surprising death of the motorist.   Meanwhile the cyclist walked away relatively unharmed.

Emma B Pedlin, a 32 year old mother of six narrowly escaped death in the accident, which occurred around  7am in Melbourne’s St Kilda suburb.  Her bike was destroyed in the collision between the two vehicles.

The driver of the white sedan, Gohfa Kuself, 24, turned left into the path of Mrs Pedlin causing the collision. But he swerved violently right after the initial impact and into a building, severely damaging his vehicle.  The damage to building then allowed three concert pianos to fall on Kuself’s car from the fourth storey, killing him instantly.

Kuself's car under the deadly piano

Mr Kuself’s musical exit.

We asked Emma about her good fortune.

“This happens quite a bit. The last time I was cut off like that I got two broken arms.  This time I was just thrown off the bike and somehow ended up on my feet – its crazy.  Plenty of the people at the club have been hurt or killed.”

Onlookers were amazed at the scene.

“I saw him cut her off and then go into that building..  pretty funny watching those pianos fall though.. that never happens.  We were all just standing round laughing.. what can do you right?  One of the boys had a crack at playing one of pianos after but nah it was stuffed.”  One said.

Lucky cyclist Emma Pedlin's ruined bike after the collision.

Lucky Emma Pedlin’s ruined bike.

Nottnews had a go at some victim shaming research and it turns out Pedlin is on benefits but somehow can afford a bike,  but Kuself was a refugee from Syria driving a car he can’t possibly own, so we’re going to wait until further public outcry before proceeding.

Motorists groups were outraged, calling for cyclists to be banned, taxed or jailed.  One went so far as to say cyclists should be executed on the spot.

Cyclists groups were amazed to have someone not die in a fatal collision.  “The cyclist always dies at the hand of the motorist.  This is unprecedented”.

The government used the incident as justification to shelve proposed cyclist protection laws saying that the accident proves that the car-bike interaction is not as one-sided as the media would have us believe.


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