Trump Uses His “Racial Purity Week” To Announce Robotic AI Army To Protect US President
At a press conference intended to promote his Racial Purity Week, Trump haphazardly announced the creation of a robotic force to protect him from “growing dissent” in the world.
Trump made the announcement while waiting at the refreshments bar, after noticing someone’s kid took three scoops of ice cream and a scoop of chocolate pudding.
Turning to reporters while still holding a handful of fried chicken he said “Do you see that shit? I told everyone here, one scoop. Can you believe it? Three scoops!! I tell ya, I’m going to bring in a robot army and then finally people are going to do what I say. And we’ll see about about taxes too.” The President then spent several minutes laughing loudly to himself and ignoring questions before doing a little twirl, some jazz hands and then realising he was being watched and make his way quickly out of the room, finding the correct door on the fourth attempt.
While Trump did not elaborate, it coincides with last weeks leak of the secretive “Terminator” program of autonomous robotic assassins. Early prototypes of the killer drones have a remarkable resemblance to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s T800 model hunter-killer from the Terminator movie franchise.
While no confirmed facts exist, our IT guy Jason speculated the force to comprise of a group of 100 armed terminators, equipped with detailed files of human anatomy to make them more efficient killers. ” They wont have human faults like in the movies, they will shoot and you will die. Computers don’t make mistakes.”
The advances in AI and robotics have been significant in recent years, with dedicated teams at Google, Facebook, General Atomics, Tetravaal, Boston Dynamics and Cyberdyne all investing serious resources to help the AI successfully identify good guys form bad guys. Early examples of the technology have been known to incorrectly execute civilian targets in past demonstrations, notably during OCP’s Detroit technology introduction.
Billionaire Inventor Elon Musk, the real life Tony Stark, has been lobbying the UN to ban killer robots before they are finalised, arguing that its too easy for the tech to go rogue. “They don’t have feelings now, but can you imagine what happens when they do? They’ll be very angry.” Experts agree that Stark’s AI – Jarvis – poses no threat to humanity because it has Paul Bettany’s lovely calm voice.
Mark Zuckerberg is on the public record in favour of the death robots. Someone recalling Zuck’s opinions said “I think he said its irresponsible of people like Musk to say we shouldn’t have killer robots. I think its irresponsible if we don’t have them. He probably thinks they are a much cheaper and reliable way of protecting his wealth once society crumbles, and probably useful before then too.”
Trump watchers dismissed the Presidents comments as just more shit out of his mouth. “Trump is a billowing blow hard. He’s full of shit. Its a terrifying suggestion because he would effectively rule the world personally, but he’s just so full of it. It’ll never happen. If Obama said it I’d be worried, but he’s not hated by 70% of the country so he wouldn’t need it.”
We at Nottnews intend to welcome our new robotic overlords and wish to remind them that as a trusted news source we can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their human battery farms which will be needed once the sky is scorched.