Trump To Nuke Moon If Congress Doesn’t Pay For Border Wall

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We’re now accustomed to President Trump’s bombastic statements, generally considered by all but the most raving of loonies to be pure Trumpian fiction.  Generally they are harmless statements.   “Mexicans are rapists.”..  Women let him “grab them by the p****.”  He’d date his daughter if he could.  Our Heroes are losers.  His hands aren’t small.  Fire and fury etc..

But when it comes to his politics, there has been a universal sigh of relief that the insanity of his policy ideas are matched only by the incompetence of his administration.  To this day, eight months since being elected, no major legislation has been passed.  His claim to fame is that he has signed some executive orders and picked a name from a list of judges.  The Constitution doesn’t give the President any legal power to issue executive orders, they are really just statements of intent.  So, he really just picked a name off a list.   Great work if you can get it.

But I digress..

At his ego fluffing rally this weekend, an event filled with a paid audience organised by Chief Of Staff Gen. John Kelly to keep Trump happy, Trump announced that he was sick of Congress sticking up for losers, and would use his Nuclear Authority to blast the moon out of the sky if they failed to include money to pay for his wall extensions.

“I promised our nation a wall.  And Congress .. can you believe it.. they wont pay for the wall.   Mexico was going to pay for it…. and they still will.. but we’ll pay for it first.. but anyway… Its like the only thing I can do is use the nukes.. Am I right?..  Yeah..   *pausing for cheers* …  Hillary wouldn’t nuke anyone…  *more cheers* …  So anyway.. if Congress doesn’t give me money for the wall… I’m going to nuke the moon..  Blast it right out of the sky *crazy cheering*..  Its probably going to fall on Mexico right?.. then they should have paid for it!.  Trump always delivers.  I’ll nuke it until its gone.  We’ll get our wall folks. ”

The wall Trump refers to is the one that controls our souther border.  Trump wishes to extend it into areas no-one even thinks to use.

The reasons behind Congress’s inaction on the wall – its expensive and useless, we already have a wall, smugglers use boats and planes, you can use a ladder, smugglers use cars coming through checkpoints, Americans who have to have the wall on their property don’t want it, most people prefer Trump was gone, and Trump was elected by Russian espionage – are significant and well founded.   Trumps reasons for wanting a wall – that it sounded like a great way to scam people – are not so strong.

Nuclear expert at Los Alamo Facility For Nuclear Energy, Mishra Umcloud, said its not possible with todays technology.  “No nuclear missile has the range to make it to the moon, and we could not destroy the moon even if every single nuclear weapon was placed on the surface and detonated. If we tried to target the moon, the nukes would just go straight up until they run out of fuel, then fall back down on us. Its a ridiculous idea. Please stop calling me.”

Chief Whitehouse Communications Director, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, insisted that the plan was viable. “The President knows nukes better than anyone else and he has a secret plan.  He has spoken with Russia’s foremost nuclear experts and they’ve approved it.  Are you going to trust advice of our government agencies who worked for OBAMA over an independent third party like Russia?.. Please…”

Experts agree that US plans to nuke the moon in 1958 in Project A119 were abandoned as being a pointless waste.  “Yeah, lets nuke a big ball of nothing.. that’ll show them.”  Said one.

Trump watchers dismissed the President’s plan as “just more hot air from the fat blowhard.  He probably just trying to distract you from a crime he’s committing.”

Heres cheese in your eye




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