Legal Umps Dump No-Bump Trumps D–K Pumps.
Some months ago, FBI agents recovered a haul of Trump branded penis pumps during a dawn raid of former Trump Campaign Manager, Paul Manafort. The 3000 Chinese made units were expected to have a...
Monthly Archive: September 2017
Searching For Relevance, Tony Abbott Considering Sniffing Chairs
History is full of lessons for those prepared to listen to her advice. In 2007, WA Liberal Politician Troy Buswell rejuvenated his political career by admitting to sniffing the chair of a female staffer....
Many SSM “NO” Voters Claim Text Made Them Homophobic.
After a marriage equality campaigner sent a Vote YES text message to hundreds of thousands of Australians, many thousands are claiming the text made them homophobic. Here are a few quotes we received...
POLL: Who Do You Think Should Be PM. Take Our Online Plebiscite.
Here’s the problem with an ordinary poll. They always ask you a question that boxes you into answering in a manner that supports the political agenda, one way or another. They might ask...
Vicente Fox Announces Candidacy for US Prez. Republican Party Is Biggest Donor.
Former Mexican President Vicente “I’m-not-going-to-pay-for-that-f**king wall” Fox has announced his candidacy to run in the 2020 US election. Fox is better known for regularly giving Trump helpful advice on where to stick his wall....
Tony Abbott Expresses Genuine Support For Malcolm Turnbull
Nope, this is a satire site. Tony Abbott continued to frustrate his own party’s attempts at unity. He also called the Prime Minister a ****. We’re all still hanging out for old Tones to...
Local Man Has Same Song Stuck In His Head For 25 Years.
A local man claims that he’s had the same song stuck in his head for the last 25 years. Peter Avrage, 42, married catwalk model Sue Perhot in 1991 after she won Miss Indiana...
Pokemon Processing Labs Raided As RSPCA Takes Down Professor Willow.
Professor Willow, the famous Pokemon scientist is in custody tonight after police and RSPCA raided his laboratories. The RSPCA had sought an order to shut Willow’s facilities down after noticing a lot of pokemon...
Save Your Sanity With Short Notice Daycare.
A new child-care startup is opening its doors this month to help those most in need – parents with annoying kids. Arkham Asylum For Criminally Insane Kids, also known as Grey Pillars Day Care,...
Research Says – Tell Your Boss To Get Stuffed
New research by the Pokey Institute of Workplace Excellence seems to suggest that telling your boss to go jump is the most effective path to workplace happiness and efficiency. Researchers followed the professional lives...
Why Some SSM YES Voters Abuse NO Voters
A common theme in many same-sex marriage debates online is that the NO voters accuse the YES voters of hate speech, or name calling, and otherwise unpleasant language. The NO voters typically calmly explain...
Local Man’s Tinnitus Cured When Wife Dies
Local man, Jarred Earshot, 64, a life long sufferer of tinnitus was found to have been cured when his wife Maureen suddenly died. Jarred and Maureen were married at age 15, and shared a...
Toilet Backlash Forces White House Change
Last week, NottNews revealed the the true nature of the White House bathrooms and the strange toilets within. After our reporting sparked a wave of public backlash, the President’s team has jumped to action...
Trump Opens Mar-A-Lago To Irma Victims Seeking Shelter.
US President Donald Trump surprised pundits today by allowing the use of his Mar-A-Lago resort as an emergency shelter for anyone who needs refuge from the storm that most believe will be the deadliest...
UPDATE! Trump Aides Leak That New White House Oversized Toilet Bowls Unpleasant To Use.
While a new President is being inaugurated, the White House undergoes a huge high-speed internal transformation. Out went Obama’s tasteful blinds, neutral colors and classic furniture. In came gaudy gold, mirrors and monuments to...
Man Walks 160km Through Outback. Drinks Urine Instead Of Fosters.
When Bill Mason rolled his vehicle in the Australian outback he began what would turn out to be a remarkable journey through adversity. The 21 year old was returning from his work in regional...
Black Smoke From White House Chimney As Administration Prepares To Cooperate With Investigation
Dark smoke began escaping from the White House chimneys as the Trump Administration promised full cooperation with special investigator Robert Mueller. Experts assessed the administration is probably just trying to keep warm during a...
BREAKING! Man claiming to be Jesus returned, gunned down by concealed carry pastor.
A man claiming to be Jesus Christ was shot dead while trying to enter the Houston Megachurch. Authorities claim he was distributing fish and wine without appropriate license, and attempting to help the sick...