Pokemon Processing Labs Raided As RSPCA Takes Down Professor Willow.
Professor Willow, the famous Pokemon scientist is in custody tonight after police and RSPCA raided his laboratories.
The RSPCA had sought an order to shut Willow’s facilities down after noticing a lot of pokemon go in, but few come out.
Professor Willow is well known and highly regarded among Pokemon enthusiasts. He provides an adoption service for lost and wild Pokemon, and sells a treat known as “Candy” which has powerful mutagenic and steroidal effects on the creatures. Commonly he would accept an unwanted pokemon and give you Candy in exchange. But investigators have been working to uncover what happens inside Willow’s facilities.
RSPCA enforcement officers forced entry to the labs in a coordinated pre-dawn raid and gained evidence that will be used in Prof Willow’s prosecution.
We entered one of the processing buildings and can only describe the horrors we found inside. We advise not to read further to avoid the grizzly details.
As the door was broken down, the screams of the captured Pokemon were released. A steamy stench of sugar and burnt hair and blood and death billowed out through the door.
The lab contained machinery and tools used to extract vital fluids from the terrified Pokemon.
The factory had been divided into spaces. Common Pokemon such as Pidgey and Rattata appeared to be stuffed into large compactors that simply crushed the juice from the screaming hapless creatures by their hundreds. Cages containing thousands more were suspended above.
Rarer creatures were strapped on to stainless steel trays, with surgical instruments hanging out of open incisions. Their faces were wracked with pain. Their life fluid dripped into a collection pan. Others were restrained in cages, with plastic tubes draining fluid from their immobilised bodies. A conveyer belt of pellets and feathers rolled past.
At least 120 larger creatures lay against concrete walls. Their legs were chained. Their eyes stared vacantly into space. Most had surgical wounds and clear tubes that lead away into the wall. Some were connected to wires – a life support system prevented death, no matter how much they wanted it. One Snorlax visibly convulsed in sync with a flashing red light, as blue fluid bubbled from a tube under its inflamed arm.
A series of restrained Pikachu appeared to be powering the facilities.
Investigators found Professor Willow’s collection in his office. Twelve rows of jars containing the floating heads of baby Pokemon sat on shelves
Police euthanised the suffering creatures at the scene. The RSCPA volunteers barbecued a Slowpoke to try and improve the mood.
Court officials expected Willow to receive a $55 fine if found guilty.