NRA Recommends Arming Small Dogs For Their Safety
Following the brutal attack on innocent little Pippin, some dog owners have been calling on their local councils to provide safe areas for their dogs to be themselves without fear of reprisals from bigger dogs with different opinions.
Pippin, a weird looking small, yappy, chinese-something dog, with an owner who enjoys yappy dogs, probably played a significant role in antagonising the bigger dog. Dog experts agree that large dogs tend to ignore small dogs until they get too pissed off, and small dogs just keep getting in the big dogs face until they get what they deserve.
Naturally, this has fractured the dog community.
Fortunately, someone has come forward with a unifying solution. Small dogs can now be armed with a gun.
Now, dear reader, I can hear your skepticism from here. Dogs have no thumbs, so how can they use your colt 45?
Specialised harnesses will be available from April that allow enthusiasts to mount anything up to an AR-15 onto their dog, pointing either forwards or backwards. The dog pulls the trigger by either barking loudly while stationary, or by wagging its tail while running.
Gun-wielding-dog experts say the dog only needs a few hours training to activate the weapon and ensure its safety and recommend using blanks for the first few weeks until the dog is used to the sound of gunfire.
The harness works with all weapons available in the USA and most modifications, including bump-stocks and helicopter mounts.
The second amendment does not prohibit dogs from using firearms, so we’re good to go.